I woke up really early this morning because I was in great pain. It’s been extremely cold outside and my hip was acting as a barometer; letting me know that spring still hasn’t arrived. I got up to go to the bathroom and took a couple of painkillers to try and numb the stabbing pain that’s become my constant companion for the last few years. As I lay there waiting for some sign of relief I closed my eyes and instantly music started playing in my head. Like an old jukebox stuck on repeat. The same song had been playing in my head all night long and it managed to wake me up every couple of hours. So instead of trying to escape back into sleep I leaned over and grabbed my iPad and opened up youTube and did a search for the song that had haunted me all night long. It was “The Great Pretender” by The Platters. And then it hit me!! I had been dreaming about my father again last night. Singing and playing his guitar. Singing that song over and over again to me like he did when I was just a little girl.
Some people say that when people die they get to watch over their loved ones from the other side. I’d like to believe that…it gives me great comfort. It gives me hope that I’ll get to see people I love again
Most people know that I was raised in the JW cult from the time I was 5 years old until I escaped when I was 15 years old. I escaped; but the damage is done. No matter how hard I try to be positive and distract myself from the painful past, it’s never really too far away. There are still so many triggers.
So I decided to lay there quietly and really listen to the song. But first, I got out of bed and opened the curtains and opened the window a crack. It’s really cold out there today but it’s breathtakingly beautiful. The bold evergreens stand out against a backdrop of pure white snow and the most glorious sunshine I’ve seen in weeks. I listened to the song and thought about my father. It’s been 9 years since he died so it finally doesn’t hurt as much to breathe when I think about him. We never got to say goodbye. We never got to make amends and start over again. Why? Because a cult disguised as a printing corporation posing as a loving religion told my father he had to shun me or face certain death in the very near future, with the imminent arrival of Armageddon. I will never never never never ever be able to forget the day he told me that if I didn’t come back to the meetings with him he couldn’t have anything more to do with me because I was going to be destroyed anyway. I couldn’t believe he could look me in the face and say those words. His words stabbed my heart with ferocious accuracy. That wound has never fully healed and I’ve given up any hope that it ever will. I’ve just learned to live with it.
But today, I have taken the time to examine how and why some songs can effect me so intensely. I need to know the reasons why I’m sometimes haunted by certain music or songs. I realize that it’s not the dream or even the song that upset me. It’s the realization that there’s still a cult operating right here in my city that is harmful and dangerous to it’s members. There are still children trapped inside an organization that destroys families and robs children of their childhood. This destructive doomsday cult steals the innocence of children and tramples their dreams. They crush their self-esteem and smother their self-worth. They fill their heads full of negative garbage that is built on lies and falsehoods. They twist and turn the truth into a web of deceit covered in a mangled tangle of spiky thorns and heinous images.
So while I’m grateful to have escaped and survived that evil empire; I am horrified that in 2017 children are still locked into a building for far too many hours every week being brainwashed with things that will do irreparable damage to them for the rest of their lives. Children should be outside learning about the wonders of the world and exercising their imaginations instead of being taught to constantly berate oneself and strive for the impossibility of perfection. These innocent little children should be learning about all of the gifts life has to offer them instead of having their spirit stripped away by constant negative messages. Children should not be subjected to explicit adult content and images in the name of God. Children should be encouraged to explore their imaginations and be free to discover who they are. They should be celebrated for their unique differences instead of being forced to conform into a non-thinking robot programmed to believe everything they are told without question. Nobody should be expected to blindly follow anyone without question for fear of being rejected or punished. Yet, that is exactly what happens every single day in the life of a JW child.
Today is Sunday and I am ecstatic that I can choose to do anything I want with my day. Anything at all. I can read a book, go for a walk on the beach, watch a movie or spend time with my family laughing and loving one another. But I cannot and will not ever forget that there are still so many children suffering from this dangerous doomsday cult. I have lost so much because of the JW cult, and I tried to ignore it and make it go away. But not anymore. It’s a new year and I’m going to find ways to expose this cult to protect so many innocent children who are still trapped in a world of nonsense and mayhem.
Easy like a Sunday morning,